Monday, June 22, 2009

Holiday, I got a confession!

My school holiday is over. but the memories left behind is still in my head.
I went back to my hometown during school holiday.
it was so fun, yet heartbreaking at the same time.

I went back, gathering with my family, friends, and all my lovely peeps.
there are so many things happened. okay, let me reveal my secrets here.
something that my family don't know, which i feel sorry about.

I got a crush (again) with my ex. The only ex-boyfriend that left a deep foot print in my heart (LOL...what a cheezy line)
okay, the thing is, he already got a girlfriend. no. it's a fiance

whatever, i don't care. as long as he's not married yet, there's no boundary between us, and i can still talk to him.

i got a confessions to make. we kissed. we hugged. we say love to each other.

but it hurts. because he still loves me, but he also loves her. he has this 'up & down, hot & cold' attitude. Sometimes it's okay if i come next to him, but sometimes he declare that he's already someone else's, and i'll get a better guy than him.

I can feel that he keep a distance with me. after they exchange rings.

there are may times i have to holding back my tears, especially when he calls that girl (that girl live in another city. she's a flight attendant), that girls' families. and he without hesistation talking freely in front of me!!! without any considerations of how i feel.

when it was my birthday, 26th May, he didn't say any birthday greetings. He said, that girl knows my birth day, and she made him promise her that he won't say, text, or any form of congratulatory on my birthday!!! how mean!!!

when it was his birthday, 30th May, she came for 2 days, and i can't see him. and i can't celebrate his birthday.

I felt so lifeless

He was my high school boyfriend. I was with him for almost 4 years (with break up and make up). I broke up because I left for Singapore. somehow i feel boredom, and yeah, i kinda left him because we had a big fight and i have this strong reason why i wanted to break up with him.

That girl was a friend of him who he talked to when i let him down.

before going back from Singapore, I called him. I miss him. then he announced that he's gotta engaged. I cried to him (i know it's not my right to complained), but he said apologies. and he said he wanted to see me. I ask him to pick me up at the airport, he agreed.

the next day, i called him. i miss him. i can't wait to see him again, and i know i ruined my exams because i can't stop crying all night because his stupid girlfriend picked up my call, and i have to talk to him awkwardly and said 'u don't need to pick me up' (shoot!!! why does this happen! and at this time!??!!)~and his GF doesn't know our dialect, so he told her a lie about what i've been talking about (she turned on his phone loudspeaker).
i dunno whether i should feel sorry about that girl or juz ignore her. She send me messages from his facebook account not to disturb him anymore. again, i don't care.

i dunno where this thingy leads to, but i will just continue. Let the time lapse and show the result.

I'm in love with my own sins
i don't care what other people say. but i know i have to end this at some point of time.
in the end, i never see him anymore since the day he told me to accept the reality that he belongs to somebody.

I'm glad that he said that, showing that he won't easily playing with 2 hearts at the same time.
of course, it's hurt. but i know, i don't wanna be treated like that girl.
I put my feet on that girl's shoes. if i have a boyfriend, i don't want him to be like that.

I should sincerely let him go, eventhough i know it's not easy.
I dunno, whatever meant to be, will be.
so, I dun hella care!!!

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